Sunday, August 31, 2008

Fuck Unions

Fuck unions.

I intend to elaborate on this concept - but please let that opening line REALLY sink in for a few moments before embarking on this bile-filled hate opera that has been brewing in me for the last decade or so. Normally when people use such a sweeping - and not to mention vulgar - statement, they feel the need to endlessly qualify it with exceptions.

I do not.

Fuck unions. Fuck all unions. Fuck them right in the ass with as uncomfortably large an object as you can find close at hand.

There was a time in this country when unions were not only desirable and noble ; but were actually pretty necessary to right the wrongs doled out by decades of serf-like oppression. Memo to America - that time has come and gone. When major workplace issues shift from a .5 cent guard that will keep Jimmy the 8 year old textile worker from having his arm ripped off by spinning gears, to procuring ergonomic keyboards so your delicate little digits don't cramp up, it's time to make a change.

I'm not sure how or why it became un-American to question unions, but that shit needs to go right out the window before we dove-tail into Stalin Land. The recent shift in union tactics, reasoning, and general usefulness seems to have changed in direct proportion to our ever-growing sense of entitlement in this country. Unions have devolved from mob-enforced hard-asses into the simpering pussies of organized labor.

Reminder to union workers: Unions are a NEGOTIATING tool, not a STRIKING tool.

Drill that into your head Sandy! (And yes, I do mean that to include all male union membership as well as female. If that offends you - try changing your tampon.)

Unions were designed to facilitate collective bargaining, not to allow you a forum to throw a hissy fit every time you have a disagreement with management. The idea is to get what you want WITHOUT (this is fucking key people) striking. It's to use the threat of collective strike to level the playing field between you and management. It's not designed to be a political temper tantrum that you throw every time you have the slightest disagreement.

Let me give you an example. Jenny's grandparents live over off of Brookeville and Emerson, half a block away from a transmission plant that aparently employs UAW (United Auto Workers) union members. Over the last 12 months, I would say I've seen strikers outside 8 of them. These are not oppressed Haitian sweatshop workers pulling 22 hour shifts and being paid in corn husks. These are middle-aged white guys making 30 bucks an hour for screwing a nut onto a fucking transmission. While enjoying full health, vision, dental, veterinary care, domestic partner coverage, life insurance, pension fund, workers comp protection, OSHA regulations and oversight, and the first six months of psychiatric care free of fucking charge!

There was a time in this country when blue-collar workers were envious of their lighter-collared counterparts in the office, but that shit has gone WAY by the roadside in the last 30 years. The pay scale and compensation for these jobs has totally flipped - and not in direct correlation to their true value to society. An auto worker worker makes more than a fireman. A carpenter makes more than a cop. A plumber makes more than God. That's right folks; the guy sucking the shit out of your septic tank makes more money than our Holy Lord and Savior. Though in complete fairness, God claims that his health plan is better - which has finally proven without a a doubt that God is not Canadian.

Congratulations Union America! You've finally won the battle for workers rights! And all it cost us along the way was:

1. Outsourcing of manufacturing to third world countries due to the prohibitive costs involved in paying union wages necessary in the U.S. Then blaming the problem on 'greedy corporations', when in fact it was the 'greedy unions' who priced themselves out of the market.

2. A record level of government regulation in every facet of business, further raising costs and hindering our ability to compete in foreign markets.

3. Billions of dollars donated to leftist political parties and PAC's who in turn raised taxes on businesses in order to pay for bloated social programs, further fucking out economy and tying up assets in a government black hole rather than being reinvested.

4. Above all else, and the true reason I am finally so pissed off I actually committed this bile to a rant for everyone to see: YOU STOLE MY TV SHOWS YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!

Save American TV: Outlaw Unions!

Michael Scott: "You have one week."
Pam: "For what?"
Michael: "They always have an ultimatum like that."
Pam: "Oh... Best apology video ever."
Michael: "I thought so too."

21 comments:

RAYMOND said...

That Lord and Savior comment was the funniest thing I have read in a while. I hope you are writing humor for your 2 projects. Great stuff and good luck with them.
Ray

Dave said...

Good real life example:

http://www.freshsupercool.com/2009/03/10/perfect-example-of-why-we-should-get-rid-of-unions/

dozitgetchahi said...

Amen brother - I hear ya.

The sooner the UAW's $75/hr jobs get exported to Mexico and/or China, the better.

There's nothing I'd like to see more than for those lazy, uneducated UAW slobs to get dumped out on their asses and have to find real jobs WITHOUT the help of a union.

Joe said...

Amen!!.......

Graham said...

Fuck unions. I feel better now.

brando said...

Unions today are insane. Bunch of parasites. "I'm making $30/hour, but I want healthcare from my employer, too! I'm too fucking lazy to get my own even though I could easily afford it."

SS is bullshit, too. Why should us working folks have to pay for old folks who DON'T WORK anymore?? How is that fair? If these old folks had planned in advance and put their money into retirement accounts early on, they wouldn't NEED SS.

And as an individualist libertarian, I believe gov't needs a VERY limited role. Sink or swim. These are old folks, not children!

Jordan Sheppherd said...

I agree entirely with your post.

The only thing I'll add is that unions could not have grown as powerful as they have if they didn't have the good ol' government to back them up with the force of law. Unions are nothing but special interest groups that are backed by another GIANT special interest group (read: US Gov't) which acts like an enforcer for the mob.

Politicians recognize unions are special interest groups, so they pass laws to appease them to buy votes, and the cycle goes on endlessly. In the midst of an economic depression, these idiots (unions) are still at it; demanding higher wages, less hours, and more benefits.

The kind of people who support the existence of unions and their actions are so ignorant of basic economics that they will continue to support the party line until the economic engine is stopped, think Atlas shrugged. No doubt, when that happens, they'll blame it on the business owners. Those dirty rotten jerks. They create jobs, give to charity, and build the backbone of the country. How dare they.

Buddy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Buddy said...

I would like to add that my neighbor, the laziest, slacking, pro union shit head I have ever met, was bitching today because he has to work on Presidents day! He will get double time (nearly $70 an hour) to sit his fat ass in a chair and make knives at his aircraft manufacturing job. Poor soul. If he could only spell four letter words then I'm sure the union could force his employer to give him a raise. Oh well. Perhaps he can sell the knives he makes when he is supposed to be doing his job.

Jess said...

I just wish more pro-union leftist slobs would read this, I love it when their feathers get ruffled. Great rant btw.

Synbad said...

You wrote what I am feeling, awesome! Now more relevant than ever.

Scott said...

You all sound like idiots. It's evident that none of you morons have ever held a position with a union. Unions started out protecting and creating a good and safe work enviorment for the people and they still do. Maybe you should try getting a real job that pays better and gives you a retirement as well as better health care.
S.T. Local 10

William said...

As a proud scab who made thousands of dollars for my family while the union brotherhood struck, i say "let em strike"
I watched CWA members holding signs while wearing polo shirts and chinos while leaning against a corvette.
They were too stupid to operate a calculator and figure out how much money they lost and how that period of no pay more than paid for the minutia of a raise they got. Stupidity marches on.

tzstt said...

In response to Scott: It is obvious that the stupid, illiterate leech didn't bother to read the article.

I love how he throws up his union "pride," just like some gangster street thug throwing up their gang sign, or graffiting walls...quite fitting, actually.

David said...

Amen Brother!

danny said...

awesome!

R.E.BurtonJr said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

R.E.BurtonJr said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

R.E.BurtonJr said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

lvnlgnd said...

I am an Ohio fuck union man.So if your a lazy union man,fuck you too!

lvnlgnd said...

Fuck the unions,fuck Ohio unions right in the ass!!