Sunday, August 31, 2008

Fuck Unions

Fuck unions.

I intend to elaborate on this concept - but please let that opening line REALLY sink in for a few moments before embarking on this bile-filled hate opera that has been brewing in me for the last decade or so. Normally when people use such a sweeping - and not to mention vulgar - statement, they feel the need to endlessly qualify it with exceptions.

I do not.

Fuck unions. Fuck all unions. Fuck them right in the ass with as uncomfortably large an object as you can find close at hand.

There was a time in this country when unions were not only desirable and noble ; but were actually pretty necessary to right the wrongs doled out by decades of serf-like oppression. Memo to America - that time has come and gone. When major workplace issues shift from a .5 cent guard that will keep Jimmy the 8 year old textile worker from having his arm ripped off by spinning gears, to procuring ergonomic keyboards so your delicate little digits don't cramp up, it's time to make a change.

I'm not sure how or why it became un-American to question unions, but that shit needs to go right out the window before we dove-tail into Stalin Land. The recent shift in union tactics, reasoning, and general usefulness seems to have changed in direct proportion to our ever-growing sense of entitlement in this country. Unions have devolved from mob-enforced hard-asses into the simpering pussies of organized labor.

Reminder to union workers: Unions are a NEGOTIATING tool, not a STRIKING tool.

Drill that into your head Sandy! (And yes, I do mean that to include all male union membership as well as female. If that offends you - try changing your tampon.)

Unions were designed to facilitate collective bargaining, not to allow you a forum to throw a hissy fit every time you have a disagreement with management. The idea is to get what you want WITHOUT (this is fucking key people) striking. It's to use the threat of collective strike to level the playing field between you and management. It's not designed to be a political temper tantrum that you throw every time you have the slightest disagreement.

Let me give you an example. Jenny's grandparents live over off of Brookeville and Emerson, half a block away from a transmission plant that aparently employs UAW (United Auto Workers) union members. Over the last 12 months, I would say I've seen strikers outside 8 of them. These are not oppressed Haitian sweatshop workers pulling 22 hour shifts and being paid in corn husks. These are middle-aged white guys making 30 bucks an hour for screwing a nut onto a fucking transmission. While enjoying full health, vision, dental, veterinary care, domestic partner coverage, life insurance, pension fund, workers comp protection, OSHA regulations and oversight, and the first six months of psychiatric care free of fucking charge!

There was a time in this country when blue-collar workers were envious of their lighter-collared counterparts in the office, but that shit has gone WAY by the roadside in the last 30 years. The pay scale and compensation for these jobs has totally flipped - and not in direct correlation to their true value to society. An auto worker worker makes more than a fireman. A carpenter makes more than a cop. A plumber makes more than God. That's right folks; the guy sucking the shit out of your septic tank makes more money than our Holy Lord and Savior. Though in complete fairness, God claims that his health plan is better - which has finally proven without a a doubt that God is not Canadian.

Congratulations Union America! You've finally won the battle for workers rights! And all it cost us along the way was:

1. Outsourcing of manufacturing to third world countries due to the prohibitive costs involved in paying union wages necessary in the U.S. Then blaming the problem on 'greedy corporations', when in fact it was the 'greedy unions' who priced themselves out of the market.

2. A record level of government regulation in every facet of business, further raising costs and hindering our ability to compete in foreign markets.

3. Billions of dollars donated to leftist political parties and PAC's who in turn raised taxes on businesses in order to pay for bloated social programs, further fucking out economy and tying up assets in a government black hole rather than being reinvested.

4. Above all else, and the true reason I am finally so pissed off I actually committed this bile to a rant for everyone to see: YOU STOLE MY TV SHOWS YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!

Save American TV: Outlaw Unions!

Michael Scott: "You have one week."
Pam: "For what?"
Michael: "They always have an ultimatum like that."
Pam: "Oh... Best apology video ever."
Michael: "I thought so too."

32 comments:

Unknown said...

That Lord and Savior comment was the funniest thing I have read in a while. I hope you are writing humor for your 2 projects. Great stuff and good luck with them.
Ray

Unknown said...

Good real life example:

http://www.freshsupercool.com/2009/03/10/perfect-example-of-why-we-should-get-rid-of-unions/

Anonymous said...

Amen brother - I hear ya.

The sooner the UAW's $75/hr jobs get exported to Mexico and/or China, the better.

There's nothing I'd like to see more than for those lazy, uneducated UAW slobs to get dumped out on their asses and have to find real jobs WITHOUT the help of a union.

Unknown said...

Amen!!.......

Unknown said...

Fuck unions. I feel better now.

Unknown said...

Unions today are insane. Bunch of parasites. "I'm making $30/hour, but I want healthcare from my employer, too! I'm too fucking lazy to get my own even though I could easily afford it."

SS is bullshit, too. Why should us working folks have to pay for old folks who DON'T WORK anymore?? How is that fair? If these old folks had planned in advance and put their money into retirement accounts early on, they wouldn't NEED SS.

And as an individualist libertarian, I believe gov't needs a VERY limited role. Sink or swim. These are old folks, not children!

Tucker Van Horn said...

I agree entirely with your post.

The only thing I'll add is that unions could not have grown as powerful as they have if they didn't have the good ol' government to back them up with the force of law. Unions are nothing but special interest groups that are backed by another GIANT special interest group (read: US Gov't) which acts like an enforcer for the mob.

Politicians recognize unions are special interest groups, so they pass laws to appease them to buy votes, and the cycle goes on endlessly. In the midst of an economic depression, these idiots (unions) are still at it; demanding higher wages, less hours, and more benefits.

The kind of people who support the existence of unions and their actions are so ignorant of basic economics that they will continue to support the party line until the economic engine is stopped, think Atlas shrugged. No doubt, when that happens, they'll blame it on the business owners. Those dirty rotten jerks. They create jobs, give to charity, and build the backbone of the country. How dare they.

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

I would like to add that my neighbor, the laziest, slacking, pro union shit head I have ever met, was bitching today because he has to work on Presidents day! He will get double time (nearly $70 an hour) to sit his fat ass in a chair and make knives at his aircraft manufacturing job. Poor soul. If he could only spell four letter words then I'm sure the union could force his employer to give him a raise. Oh well. Perhaps he can sell the knives he makes when he is supposed to be doing his job.

Unknown said...

I just wish more pro-union leftist slobs would read this, I love it when their feathers get ruffled. Great rant btw.

Synbad said...

You wrote what I am feeling, awesome! Now more relevant than ever.

Unknown said...

You all sound like idiots. It's evident that none of you morons have ever held a position with a union. Unions started out protecting and creating a good and safe work enviorment for the people and they still do. Maybe you should try getting a real job that pays better and gives you a retirement as well as better health care.
S.T. Local 10

RonPaulDisciple said...

As a proud scab who made thousands of dollars for my family while the union brotherhood struck, i say "let em strike"
I watched CWA members holding signs while wearing polo shirts and chinos while leaning against a corvette.
They were too stupid to operate a calculator and figure out how much money they lost and how that period of no pay more than paid for the minutia of a raise they got. Stupidity marches on.

Travis said...

In response to Scott: It is obvious that the stupid, illiterate leech didn't bother to read the article.

I love how he throws up his union "pride," just like some gangster street thug throwing up their gang sign, or graffiting walls...quite fitting, actually.

Unknown said...

Amen Brother!

Spoon said...

awesome!

Anonymous said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

Anonymous said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

Anonymous said...

Very well said!!
I would like to send out an extra special "Fuck You" to the SEIU of health care workers in WV!!!
Patient First!! Not Members!!!!

lvnlgnd said...

I am an Ohio fuck union man.So if your a lazy union man,fuck you too!

lvnlgnd said...

Fuck the unions,fuck Ohio unions right in the ass!!

Anonymous said...
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Unknown said...

While you all are bitching about the union, I would like for you take a step back and realise what they have done for this country. Better wages, days off, breaks and labor day. Thats just a few examples. They are very demanding, I am married to an ex union member. You would all be working 12 + hours without breaks. No minimum wage meaning you would still work for peanuts and so would your children. Labor laws were inforced because they were "demanding, cry babies that need to change their tampons" so think about how bad they really are and how much they helped you.

Unknown said...

This fucking guy. What is the reason for out sourcing? For temp jobs with no job security? Un-paid internships?
I think there is a place for unions. However show me the union workers willing to take a pay cut? They'll fire a 1000 people or close a plant before they take a cut. No one is hiring full time 30 an hr plus benefits. This is not 1960. Get a real job he says. Fuck yourself. I deal cards at a casino 20 an hr, my tax goes to bailing out these over paid unions or to these banks giving loans to over paid union shit heads living the excessive dream.
the unions helped give us work safely then drove out the jobs.

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

My IBEW (Internaional Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, Local 48 Portland, OR) labor contract with NECA (National Electrical Contractors Association) has had a "no strike" clause in it for as long as I can remember. It's a very strong point of leverage for contractors which they have used to stay competitive with non-Union shops. I find the arrangement to be mutually benificial as remaining competitive keeps me working year round. It's also why I don't mind pay dues. Having worked from 1996 to 2007 as a non-Union electrician I was treated well by most of the contractors I worked for, but never as well or as fairly since I organized into the IBEW. So I don't get what the problem with unions is...

Unknown said...

Was a NYDDC local 1456 Dockbuilder. 15 years with the unions. Worked aht ground zero since day one. Was hurt on job run over by a payloader. Coma for 3 months multiple surgeries. Went out on disability. The way the union rewarded me was as of July 2016 they will no longer cover medical insurance for guys and there family's on disability. United brotherhood is a fucking lie.nowas of this month my wife and kids are no longer insured. So yes fuck you NYCDCC AND FUCK ALL UNIONS

markus said...

Lol. Coming from a stay at home malcontent.... Funny. Jealousy is ugly folks. Good luck with your book... I'm gonna go make some OT.

markus said...

Lol. Coming from a stay at home malcontent.... Funny. Jealousy is ugly folks. Good luck with your book... I'm gonna go make some OT.

Unknown said...

Typical from a brainwashed, short sighted, selfish unionist.... drop to your knees for a little money...

As long as I get paid a little bit extra to fluff the balls who cares how much it costs me to treat the herpes....

Why should we all suffer financially for a few to gain... fuck unions straight in the ass... the article is spot on the money!

troyez said...

You had me at "Fuck unions!"
And to the union trolls posting hate, go kiss your corrupt union bosses asses and suck up for more cookies, you d-bags. We the people who will not work with unions don't need a sugar-daddy, spoon feeding us baby food and changing diapers, we take care of ourselves. I would rather die than sell out and work for a union, and that's what you all are, sellouts. You bent the knee and kissed the ring for more money, bottom line. Many of us in this country would rather die than be in a union, because you instantly become a part of a corrupt, immoral, group of the lowest of the low, destroying cities and tearing down the very country. You are the same as your bosses, by virtue of your association, corrupt rats.